Okay so in case you didn't hear...Ryan and I are getting MARRIED! 2 months from tomorrow to be exact! Kind of "shotgun" wedding but really there is no need to drag out the planning...plus....Im PREGNANT! So having a wedding before I get as big as house would be great :) I really have never felt so much love, happiness, and support in my whole life. I am about to marry the most selfless man, wait wait wait, the most selfless PERSON I've ever met and about 5 months after that I will have a baby with that man. If that does not sound like the best idea ever then I don't know what does. On top of all that goodness I am getting married at the Smog Shoppe in Culver City, my dream venue, and everything else just seems to be falling into place. I have wonderful family and friends surrounding me through this, typically stressful time, and they just make it quite the opposite and more meaningful.
I really could not be more excited! On top of that we are still trying to buy house. Lets hope something works out before the little one arrives. We have already outgrown our 2 bedroom apartment. :) Im hoping for a boy just because I think it would be fun to have one of each, but really if I had another girl I would be delighted. The thought of a baby with Ryan and Stella being a big sister to them brings me tears. A few years back if you asked what I'd be doing now this would definitely not have been my answer. It has taken ALOT for me to be in this place but I am so grateful for the good and bad times that life took me through arrive at this place. And believe me WE HAVE ARRIVED :)
But in all this I mourn a little. I can write in this blog and proclaim my love for Ryan and tell you all the girly details about marrying him and you would never question my love or my future marriage. And yet there are people out there, people I love very deeply that cannot do the same simply because they love someone of the same sex. Whether its the law telling them they cannot, ignorant cynics telling them its "their marriage", or family simply not understanding that you cannot control who you fall in love with. This reality breaks my heart. I pray every day that this becomes a view of the past.
"Love isn't a decision. Its a feeling. If we could decide who we loved, it would be much simpler, but much less magical."