Saturday, May 29, 2010

My heart feels as though it may burst

(this will feel feel very generic, Im hoping the next few blogs will be my journey though this and it will all be more clear)

It is overflowing with love, inspiration, fear, anxiety, and compassion. There are so many things that I am "processing" at this moment that I feel like my brain cannot keep up. So many things I want to do. So many things I want to say. And most of the time I am too afraid to do either.

I think its just a fear of failure in general.

But why? What has instilled this crippling feeling.

I am me. Right? I feel what I feel and say it. Right? No. Not usually. Unless how I feel or what I choose to believe goes along with the "norm" then I better keep it to myself. That alone is paralyzing.

I mean....I understand that there is a time and a place. There is such a thing as respecting others and knowing when to say something and when not to. But COME on! Theres so much pressure out there to feel a certain way and believe certain things that I found that I was unable to see the where the line of BS ended and where I began. I was losing me and Im not even sure if I had a fair shot at being me before I just took what everyone told me to say and feel as absolute.

Things are changing. I can feel it. I can see it. God has told me. And I have never been more excited and anxious in my life.



juliana said...

Juuuust beautiful.and.perfect.

Eva said...

oh man I can relate to these feelings. everything will work out :)