Amanda Dale, Faith, & Natalee

Amanda my very dear friend, confidant, bridesmaid, and wedding extraordinaire! This woman has managed to balance all these things and be incredible at all of it at the same time. Amanda loves me and her job so I think I get the better end of the deal :) Her love for her husband and her fight for her marriage and whats important to her is an inspiration and it means everything to me that she will standing next to me.



Faith, my sister from another mister. Although Faith lives in Texas (which is totally MY fault :) the distance has not phased our friendship. We may not talk as often as I would want and of course the distance makes visits short and far between but my love for her and our relationship has only grown stronger. She is a great wife and mother and encourages me to be both. So excited that she came all the way out here to stand next to me on Friday.



Natalee my sweet sweet girl. She just GETS me you know? I don't have to be afraid to tell her how I feel about anything and I can say just about anything and she will be unfazed. Her quiet support of me and my family has done more for my confidence then I could ever say. She loves me and Ryan too :) and I can't imagine not knowing her.

Shawna & Amanda

My two sisters of COURSE are in the wedding. Not only are they my sisters they are two of my very best and closest friends. As women they encourage me to be a better me, as friends they applaud me for standing up for me and whats best, and as sisters they love with a love that could never be removed or replaced.

I get emotional just thinking of them standing next me on Friday. Im elated that they would choose to stand with me on a regular old Tuesday...the fact that they love and support me enough to stand next to me on my wedding day means more then they will ever know.

Carynn & Lauren

My two most fantastic maids of honor. They both have been the best friends a girl could ask for. These two have seen me at my absolute worst and they STILL love me! I could not imagine my life without these two...so I won't :)

So honored and privileged to have these two beauties by my side on Friday. Loving me, supporting my family, and standing for my marriage. (In 4 days!!!! eeek)

Lola (lots of pics)

Sunday we got a new puppy. Yes another bulldog. Please don't ask me if Im crazy because Im starting to believe it :) But were all kind of OBSESSED with her. She's nine weeks old and SUPER sweet. Her and Mazzy are having a bit of a power struggle but I think it will soon be worked out :)










this ones my fave!

August 11th

STELLA'S FIRST DAY OF KINDERGARTEN



She was ready to get going to school at like 7:30 this morning. And of course the selfish mom that I am I enrolled her in the "afternoon" class so she doesn't start till 10:14am...it was a long 3 hours this morning :) Grammy (my mom) came over to help send her off to "big kid" school. Stella was pretty stoked on that.



We got tons of great clothes for school for Stella. Unfortunately its still too hot to for most of them but we pulled something together :)




Stellas dad came over and we all went over to Smiley together. She did so great and was so excited to be starting kindergarten. I cant believe my baby girl is in "big kid" school. Time flies. Literally ;)





After Stellas first day of school Carynn, Stella, and I all went to Color Me Mine to celebrate. Pictures to come once the pieces are done :)

August 10th

My 27th birthday! The day started out so so great. Carynn came over in the mornign cause she ditched or slept in or something, either way it was great to have her joining me on my b'day. She gave me my gift....ELTON JOHN tickets for his ONLY show in the US for that tour. Let me just tell you, a couple years ago Carynn and I decided that we were no longer just gonna go to "shows" we wanted to go to concerts. And we have been to some fantastic concerts, from Lionel Richie, Celine Dion, and Jimmy Eat World just to name a few. Oh yeah and we are going to see Lady Gaga tomorrow :) But Elton John was always one of those shows we mentioned but never really though it would come to be. Well that dream has come true! November 3rd I will be tiny dancing to your song while Im feeling the love tonight on my rocket man. <--- too much?

We had orientation for Stella since she was starting kindergarten this week. We got to tour her class, meet her teacher Mrs. Walker and she also did an activity so the teacher was able to model her teaching style. The activity was to have all the kids create a self portrait which was pretty entertaining to watch and help with.

Heres Stellas

She was SO proud of herself. We really liked her teacher and am really looking forward to all the fun things Stella will do and all that she will learn. ( I only had a brief emotional moment :)

After that Stella, Carynn, and I went to Olive Garden for something birthday lunch. I had my usual, Olive Garden hardly ever fails. Heres my dates...


And just when I thought my day couldn't get any better Ryan came home early cause he said he had a birthday surprise for me. I've learned with Ryan that surprises are hardly ever what I would expect them to be so I try not to think about it too much. He came home with a bowl full of "nuts about raspberries and chocolate", my fave trail mix from Trader Joes. But the thing about this trail mix is that it has almonds and I LOATHE almonds. Ryan had picked out ALL of the almonds and had about 3 bags worth in this bowl. It would not have surprised me if this alone was the gift since he had already bought my Lady Gaga tickets. But that waSN'T ALLL!!!



Yep thats a ring you see in that bowl full of greatness. Im OFFICIALLY engaged! I've been planning our wedding for about a month a half now without this lil beauty but yesterday he made an honest woman out of me! And the ring is more beautiful then I could have ever imagined. Yes he did ask and told me he loved me. Yes its the first time he ever uttered those words to me or any other girl beside his mom for that matter. He once told me, before we were dating, that he had not ever said that to a girl because he wanted to wait till he asked a woman to marry him so he only had to say it to one woman for the rest of her life....so sweet and romantic right? Yeah well try dating a man for 2 and a half plus years without ever hearing those words. Let me just say that it was totally worth the wait. The heaviness those words had on my heart as they left his lips could never be described. It was such an incredible feeling. I LOVE Ryan Andrew Nelson!!!



That night with a few of my favorites we went to PF Changs for dinner ( I eat too much :)




So that wraps up my birthday. It was a great one and I was sad to see it go. Until 28....

August 7th

Saturday was my dear and beautiful friend Lauren's birthday. I like this day because for 3 days she is SOOO MUCH OLDER THEN ME! Earlier in the day her Dena, and I went got pedicures which were definitely much needed. The pedicures and the girl talk :) I really do love that I have had the same friends for such a long time. And although we would all love to hang out more then we do, the time we do spend is so great and so special and its always as though a minute was never missed.

That evening we had our "triple date" for Lauren's b-day at Claim Jumper. It was delish and of course I ate way too much...but sometimes you just have to :)











P.s. I have THEE most beautiful friends.

the end

August 5th

Last Thursday Carynn, Shannon, and I all headed to the OC fair to see the B52's. They were incredible! I mean I've never been a DIE hard fan of them or anything and I know Carynn included me cause she loves me. But they looked and sounded fantastic. On top of it being a great show it was so nice to hang out with Shannon, it had definitely been too long. Also Shannon is the one who designed my bridal shower invites. TOO CUTE!!!!









The only thing that would have made the night better would have been if I was able to ride the zipper. Carynn said its off limits for pregnants.

Its all happening

Okay so in case you didn't hear...Ryan and I are getting MARRIED! 2 months from tomorrow to be exact! Kind of "shotgun" wedding but really there is no need to drag out the planning...plus....Im PREGNANT! So having a wedding before I get as big as house would be great :) I really have never felt so much love, happiness, and support in my whole life. I am about to marry the most selfless man, wait wait wait, the most selfless PERSON I've ever met and about 5 months after that I will have a baby with that man. If that does not sound like the best idea ever then I don't know what does. On top of all that goodness I am getting married at the Smog Shoppe in Culver City, my dream venue, and everything else just seems to be falling into place. I have wonderful family and friends surrounding me through this, typically stressful time, and they just make it quite the opposite and more meaningful.

I really could not be more excited! On top of that we are still trying to buy house. Lets hope something works out before the little one arrives. We have already outgrown our 2 bedroom apartment. :) Im hoping for a boy just because I think it would be fun to have one of each, but really if I had another girl I would be delighted. The thought of a baby with Ryan and Stella being a big sister to them brings me tears. A few years back if you asked what I'd be doing now this would definitely not have been my answer. It has taken ALOT for me to be in this place but I am so grateful for the good and bad times that life took me through arrive at this place. And believe me WE HAVE ARRIVED :)

But in all this I mourn a little. I can write in this blog and proclaim my love for Ryan and tell you all the girly details about marrying him and you would never question my love or my future marriage. And yet there are people out there, people I love very deeply that cannot do the same simply because they love someone of the same sex. Whether its the law telling them they cannot, ignorant cynics telling them its "their marriage", or family simply not understanding that you cannot control who you fall in love with. This reality breaks my heart. I pray every day that this becomes a view of the past.

"Love isn't a decision. Its a feeling. If we could decide who we loved, it would be much simpler, but much less magical."

My heart feels as though it may burst

(this will feel feel very generic, Im hoping the next few blogs will be my journey though this and it will all be more clear)

It is overflowing with love, inspiration, fear, anxiety, and compassion. There are so many things that I am "processing" at this moment that I feel like my brain cannot keep up. So many things I want to do. So many things I want to say. And most of the time I am too afraid to do either.

I think its just a fear of failure in general.

But why? What has instilled this crippling feeling.

I am me. Right? I feel what I feel and say it. Right? No. Not usually. Unless how I feel or what I choose to believe goes along with the "norm" then I better keep it to myself. That alone is paralyzing.

I mean....I understand that there is a time and a place. There is such a thing as respecting others and knowing when to say something and when not to. But COME on! Theres so much pressure out there to feel a certain way and believe certain things that I found that I was unable to see the where the line of BS ended and where I began. I was losing me and Im not even sure if I had a fair shot at being me before I just took what everyone told me to say and feel as absolute.

Things are changing. I can feel it. I can see it. God has told me. And I have never been more excited and anxious in my life.

Getting caught up...words to come

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