there is hope for us

Love that will not betray you, dismay or enslave you

2011-09-09T08:34:00.000-07:00

The other day someone asked me how long Ryan and I have been together and it seriously took me about five minutes to figure it out. I still don't know if I gave the right answer. I feel like Ryan and I have just always "been". And of course its not true but my husband just gets me and has since I met him, even when we were just friends. He never tried to change who I was or what I was doing. He always just liked ME. Which made it that much easier to fall in love with him. Im pretty sure I fell first cause man oh man did he have some baggage to take on when he signed up with me :) He is my best friend, my lover, and sanity and I am so honored to be his wife.

With all that said tomorrow marks our one year anniversary of being married and to be honest I feel like a "one year anniversary" doesn't do justice to the last year of life that we have lead. We got married, bought a car, bought a house, had a baby, bought another car, and worked our asses off to get to a place of comfort and normalcy in a life and world that is hectic and demands so much. Through all of that my husband remained the calm, strength that I needed and continues to be that and so much more on a daily basis.

He has my whole heart for my whole life. I can say that with the utmost confidence and certainty and that is more then I could have ever dreamed of.

the Juice

2011-08-28T21:07:00.000-07:00

The juice did me good! But boy was I happy to eat some food I could chew :) At the end of the two week juice fast I had clarity of thought, an appreciation of veggies and what they do for your body, and I was 11 lbs lighter! Ryan did the fast for 10 days and experienced just as much benefit as I did. Probably even more since he could care less about a number on the scale and dudes always lose way more then the ladies...its quite upsetting :) The last four days of the fast were the most difficult since Ryan had started incorporating food. I felt so grateful that he was willing to the fast with me to begin with, I did't realize how much easier it was with a buddy until he wasn't doing it any more.

Now that its over Ryan have been making wiser, healthier food choices and huge part of it was not eating out as much. Its so rewarding to eat at home and know that we are making good decisions for our bodies, mind, and essentially the wellness of our family as a whole. I didn't go through all the pantries and clean every thing out thats "not healthy" because I know myself...I would start to panic and eat a box of Oreos. We are slowly switching out the processed and saturated fat filled foods with organic, free range, and raw foods. Though the price is higher the taste is better and I am DOWN for that!

P.S. I still love ice cream. Just making sure I dont substitute a meal for it or eat a whole carton with out even blinking :)

Carynn and Stella had sleep over.

2011-08-03T22:58:00.000-07:00

They're old friends

Stella had been really looking forward to this past weekend because her best friend was coming to visit and was going to sleep in her bed!!! It was so nice to have Carynn here, I needed my Carynn fix. She is probably my biggest fan when it comes to the juice fast so I was so happy I was able to share it with her for the few days she was here.

I love having her at my house. She loves my babies and gets up early too. We were able to hang out for a good amount of time each day before we had to get to the res to of our days. We snuggled the babies and drank juice on the porch in the rain. Talked about life and how she is in such a good place right now. I couldn't be more proud of her.

Sunday we woke up hung out a bit then we went out separate ways. She was going to see Babe and Ryan and I were going to the Scream the Prayer tour at The Glass House. A couple of the bands that I do "day to day" stuff for Ryan were on this tour so I was really excited to go and see them all.
I kinda liked my hair that day. It was stormy and humid and kinda gave my hair that "messy but cute" thing.

The show was great. Hot but good. Wish I took more photos though. Heres Mr. Green.

Here are some of my fave photos from the weekend

To me you are a work of art

2011-08-03T22:25:00.000-07:00

Thursday I was tattooed by Brent Vann, my absolute favorite tattooer, male (besides my husband), and baseball fanatic, somehow he turns me into a baseball fan when Im with him, probably cause he loves it so much :)
Anyways, I got my "Lincoln" tattoo on the inside of my arm and I am absolutely crazy about it, except for the healing process cause that totally sucks.

Friday I was ever so lucky to go out with my girlfriends whom I adore more and more. I realize that it seems like we've been going out a lot...well we have! Wooohoo! I love it! We went to the Branding Iron cause it was ladies night and dollar beers till...ummmm....10? !!? I don't remember since we tried to drink as many $! Bud Lights before then.
When we first arrived everyone was already on the dance floor doing their fancy line dancing that EVERYONE knew the steps to except for us, well I take that back, Candice knew the moves, she was undercover though. As the night progressed and the beers were a flowin' all the sudden we became line dancing experts. The "regulars" totally hated us. But we had a GREAT time! The mechanical bull was also a hit until it started over heating and not all of us could ride :(

Oh yeah, did I mention that I totally fell in love with Candice?

Day 8 and feeling great

2011-08-03T22:07:00.000-07:00

Today is day 8 of my two week juice fast and I couldn't feel better. I can't say that my hunger pains have completely subsided but they are definitely not as difficult to get through.

Benefits that I have seen so far:
-Weight loss: 9lbs :) :) :)
-Clear skin, I dont have acne but my dark circles are definitely better and it's not like Im getting more sleep :)
-Clarity of thought. This one is HUGE! I just feel so aware and alert, I like the way Carynn put it, it's like "I'm smarter" haha whatever it is it feels good in my brain.
-My view of food and what I will put in my body from here on out is rapidly changing. Veggies look good to me. Thats something thats never been a fixture in my life, the only vegetables that I was able to eat before was salads, which are good, but not enough. I love this benefit. It was one of my main goals!!
-Ryan and I have grown closer because of this. YES he stuck it out. Even after the terrible carrot ginger juice I gave him. It was almost a deal breaker, but we made it through :) It may sound strange and Im not even sure how it happened, it just did. We totally bonded over veggies. We talk about the healthy things we are going to eat after the fast and how we are drastically changing the way Nelson's do food. Which I am so so grateful for, there is no way I could make this lifestyle change without him! But Don't judge us when you see us at In-N-Out every once in awhile, I may just be eating a grilled cheese but I can guarantee I will be there from time to time! Ryan says he "just feels better" which is great! He works such long hours and things can get pretty stressful for him, I figure since he internalizes most of that stress these veggies could help him out a little on the inside.
-I've received so much encouragement from friends and family and it has made it that much easier! Being able to talk to my husband, Shawnna, and Carynn about it all has made it almost impossible for me to fail.

Theres only a few negatives I've experienced so far:
-Im not sure why it is but I pretty much need to brush my teeth after every juice. I guess its because its so concentrated but man my mouth kinda doesn't love the aftermath of a juice. I did have a friend warn me it could cause bad breath so maybe thats why I feel that way after. I just keep a pack of gum on hand in case the brush is not around.
-The desire to snack when bored is still there. For this reason I have also been eating a handful of raw almonds a day and have eaten fruit if the hunger is too strong. This may go against the "juice fast" but like I said before I didn't want to be to militant on myself because I knew I would fail. Im perfectly fine eating some fruit and nuts along with my juice.

I definitely recommend the juice fast to anyone. A couple things I suggest doing is...
-When you purchase your fruits and veggies, right when you get home, prep them for juicing. Even if you're not going to juice them right then. Whether its washing, coring, peeling, or cutting do it all when you buy it. Coming from someone who has a pretty busy life, its easy to put off juicing, especially if nothings ready for you when you go to juice. This has helped tremendously!
-Buy as much produce from your local farmer. Its cheaper, it tastes better, and your helping support your community and that farmers business.
-The early bird gets the worm. I realized I was going to the produce stand after I got off work and it was slim pickens since Redlands/Mentone restaurants and families are big on buying from local farmers, by the time 530 rolls around theres not much to choose from.

Ill post again in a few days

P.S.
I decided to do 14 days instead of 17. My birthday is on day 14. C'mon...a girls gotta eat!

P.P.S.S My wonderful husband is currently buying "superfoods" online right now. This man owns my heart!!

Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead

2011-07-27T10:12:00.000-07:00

So Ryan and I watched the documentary Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead the other night and it really affected me. Im not the person to just agree with every documentary and what its trying to prove. Im actually quite the opposite, a devils advocate if you will. But this documentary is about a man named Joe Cross that was overweight and was also suffering from an autoimmune disorder. He goes on a 60 day juice fast in order to cleanse his system, loose weight, adjust his taste buds, and ultimately change the way he views food and what he puts into his body.

Needless to say I was inspired! Im not usually one post or promote something like this especially since I tend to fail and these sorts of changes but I would really love to make some changes. My intention in posting this is for accountability to myself and maybe some pointers here and there. I know I have friends that like to juice so hit me with your favorite recipe!

Oh yeah I forgot to mention they follow s woman that is also doing the cleanse, she suffers from migraines. After her cleanse her migraines were GONE! That alone is worth it to me. I also suffer from migraines, debilitating migraines and if that was the only result from the juice cleanse that would be enough.

Ryan, my wonderful husband will be doing it with me so it will make it that much easier. I wont have to be sitting at Red Robin watching him eat french fries while Im drinking liquid spinach :) We are committing to a 17 day juice fast. Just a little over two weeks I think i can do, at least for now. After that time I will evaluate, go to vegas for my birthday, and see how Im feeling.

So I got a Juiceman. Works great! AND it was on sale at Target for $60!

Okay so here was my first juice minus the grapes....I know I know its not green. Lunch will be :)

Looks so pretty

The juicer was super easy to take apart and clean...till next time

layydeeez

2011-07-19T21:38:00.000-07:00

So a couple friends and I have been trying to do a "girls night out" every now and then and they have done wonders for my psyche. Having a family, two jobs, a house, and two dogs life can become a bit much at times that a well deserved break is called for! In no way am I complaining because I am so very lucky but I need a little breather every once and again :) We "pre partied" at my house then headed downtown.

As I have got older I have learned to cherish and love my friendships with women as a very special thing. I don't have to agree with everything all of my girlfriends does but thats what makes the friendship so beautiful. I have the best girl friends and although I wish we could hang out like this all the time I know its just not possible so i am just so very grateful for the time that we do get together.

stuff and things

2011-07-19T19:52:00.000-07:00

So life has been pretty crazy and I would LOVE to keep up on my blog better because so many great things happen! Unfortunately I am terrible at it but I am going to try again. The last month has been pretty incredible filled with friends, fun and food! The 4th of July tends to be one of my favorite holidays but for some reason leading up to it I wasn't "feeling it". Maybe its because of my lack of sleep, who knows, but it actually didn't disappoint. It started off at the Highlands for a yummy waffel breakfast and then on to Matts for a pool party. We ended up at the U of R like every year for fire works.

Such a good day!

Lets watch the flowers grow

2011-07-17T23:57:00.000-07:00

The Clarks came to visit

Valentines Day

Easter

Stellas last day of Kindergarten

We went to visit the Clarks :)

So I got married...

2011-07-17T23:37:00.000-07:00

And got super pregnant

Then bought a house

Had a NYE party at my new house

And my baby shower too

I got bigger and bigger

Worked for about two more weeks and a 10 hour day on Tuesday January 26th and went into labor 2 1/2 weeks early

Lincoln Jaxon Nelson was born Wednesday January 27th at 7:37 am 7 lbs 1 oz and 19 1/2 inches

music of my heart

2011-03-16T11:29:00.000-07:00

The soundtrack to our day

Details, details, details

2011-03-16T01:29:00.000-07:00

If any of my beautiful wedding caught your eye and you are wondering who the mastermind was behind my gorgeous day...look no further.

My wonderful and talented friend/bridesmaid Amanda Auer and her hard working and talented team at In the Now

Here are just a few of my favorite details from the day

Yes that is a custom made flag :)

Welcome baskets

Flowers and centerpieces

Amanda LOVES a good monogram :)

And proper signage for anything and everything

The idea to have something for the kids "to do" was brillant

Another custom sign above our cake which I LOVE and am still trying to figure out where I can hang this at my house

This is a huge sticker that was at the center of our dance floor. It had the lyrics to the song that Ryan and I danced to <3

I loved EVERYTHING about my wedding. Thanks again Amanda.

Reception

2011-03-16T00:06:00.000-07:00

We opened the reception with mine and Ryans first dance. We danced to "You have my attention" by Copeland. It had been our song pretty much since we got together for so many reasons. I still get teary eyed thinking of how important that song is to me and how Ryan showed that he loved me for me no matter what had happened or what I had been through. Hes a keeper!

Ryan of course danced with his mom and I opted to dance with my mom along with him. Over the years my mom and I got increasingly closer and I just felt like she deserved to be honored with that dance. No hard feelings from my dads of course :)

<3

The food we had absolutely incredible! yum

The desserts...unreal! yumyum!

But of course my favorite part of the reception was the cutting of the cake!

I know I had mentioned in previous posts but in case it slipped your mind I was knocked up! :) I was just about 5 months pregnant when we got married. A week before the wedding I had an ultrasound done but had the technician keep it a secret from Carynn and I. She wrote it down, out it in a SEALED envelope,I gave it to Amanda, who then gave it to the baker. Why you ask? We did the gender reveal in the cutting of the cake. It was totally Amandas idea and a great one at that! If it was a girl the baker was to make the frosting on the inside pink and if it was a boy then it would be blue.

The anticipation was almost too much! Our friends and family were as excited to find out what our little ball of joy was going to be an Audrey Mae or a Lincoln Jaxon.

As we are cutting the cake people arre chanting "blue, blue,blue". I started to get nervous...what if it was pink?

Well it was blue. And as you can see Ryan was really torn up about it.

Wedding Party

2011-03-15T23:49:00.000-07:00

Best looking wedding party if I do say so myself :)

Ceremony

2011-03-14T21:16:00.000-07:00

We were totally lucky enough to have a family member with a beautiful house that would allow our 100 guests come and celebrate our day there. My Aunt Rea and Uncle Pat were absolutely amazing for letting us take over their house for 2 days. They live in the hills of Escondido which made for a beautiful backdrop for our wedding. It was slightly cooler then it usually is in September, so the great weather coupled with great surroundings made for a beautiful day

The ceremony was beautiful and sweet and so full of love and laughs. Being surrounded by our friends and family and feeling so much love and support was beyond words.

Our good friend Thom Green married us. It was absolutely perfect! Hes funny and sweet and more importantly loves us and he made that very clear in what he said. We decided to write our own vows, this was really important to me. I wanted Ryan to know exactly how I felt and how proud I was that I was becoming his wife.

I can remember when we were making our exit at the end of the ceremony thinking that it was going by too fast and all I wanted was for this to last forever. Feeling beautiful and having our closest friends and family around us all in a breathtaking setting...who wouldn't want that to last? :)

First look

2011-01-20T21:52:00.000-08:00

To be honest the first look was not as emotional as I thought it was going to be. I think because I had that healthy cry before I saw him, tears were the last thing on my mind. He looked so handsome. I did not have high hopes for what Ryan was going to want to wear for our wedding. (my husband wears camouflage shorts and an Obey tank top...EVERY day. Rain or shine.) So when he agreed to buy, yes I said BUY a suit for the wedding I was shocked and thrilled. This man has a 50 inch chest and a 36 inch waist, finding a suit ir tux to rent that would even look half way decent would be quite the adventure. So like I was saying....he looked SO handsome.

As awkward as the first look can be, you know just you and him, two photographers, seven bridesmaids, one flower girl, and multiple hotel guests ogling you, it was so fun to see each other before.

We told each other how good the other looked that we loved each other and then Ryan proceeded to read me Buraks best man speech. Why you ask? Because Burak is Turkish and when he writes his Turkish tends to affect his English abilities, therefore resulting in a very funny sounding speech :)

After "the look" Ryan and I took our pictures together so that was it wouldn't take so long after the ceremony. Heres a couple of my faves...

At this point Ryan is very much over taking any more pictures. Lucky for him it was ceremony time...
P.S. Our beautiful pictures were taken by the incredibly talented Nate and Jaclyn Kaiser at theimageisfound.com

Wedding Celebrations...getting ready

2010-09-15T21:22:00.000-07:00

Friday September 10th 2010 began like most days. My eyes open WIDE right at 642am. I turn over a few times trying to figure out why my body decides to wake up at this time EVERY day and I realize Im not alone. Im in a big comfy bed with both Carynn and Stella! I lay there with a big smile on my face when the reality of the day sets in. All I want to do is get up, yell, and jump on the bed that "today is the today!!" Then I remembered it was only 642 am and theres 5 people I love dearly sleeping very soundly, so I lay there for as long as physically possible. About an hour later my girls start to slowly wake up and the day begins!!!

We ordered breakfast, cuddled in bed, and just talked about stuff and things. I remember at some point in the morning I had asked Amanda why on wedding days it seems as though the hours go by like minutes. It seems like no matter how early you start to get ready, you're always running out of time. My day was no different....starting at 642 am and we were still rushing towards the end. But the time in between was so sweet. Being able to spend hours with my Stella Bell, sisters and mom, and closest girl friends was so wonderful and relaxing.

Amanda's "amish" look

Hello I Love You

Dress time!!!

At some point after this the realness of this day set in and I begin to cry. And not like "just emotional" or "teary eyed" but like real life sobs and massive tears. Im still trying to figure what sent me into this major cry attack and cant figure it out. Something about Faith putting my veil on and feeling "finished" and so overwhelmed by the fact that Ryan was choosing me...me! After my quick cry I got touched up and was on my way for the "first look" with Ryan...

Wedding Celebrations...the rehearsal

2010-09-14T12:14:00.000-07:00

Over the next few posts I'll be documenting the 36 hours leading up to mine and Ryans wedding and then of course the wedding. I am mainly doing this for myself because I fear if I do not write it all down I may forget and let me just tell you...there are moments that I NEVER want to leave my mind. But in case they do I'll have this to look back on to refresh my memory.

On Thursday, September 9th Carynn and I packed up all the things we needed for the weekend (which felt like I packed my life), had lunch at Las Brasas (only a pregnant bride eats a carne asada burrito the day before her wedding), picked up Stella from school and began our trek to Rancho Bernardo Inn.

In the weeks leading up to this day all Carynn and I could talk about was how we could not WAIT for Thursday/night. It would mean all of our friends would be gathering for the rehearsal, us and some of the other girls would be having some "girl time" and hanging out at the hotel, and the wedding would be in 24 hours!!!

Once we arrived at the hotel we were pleasantly surprised by the beautiful property and how nice the staff (in their knickers) were to us. Especially once we told them I was getting married :) They were so helpful and sent complimentary champagne and chocolate covered strawberries. Which meant champagne for Carynn and Faith...strawberries for me :)

I dont have any pictures from the actual rehearsal but heres the deets:
-windy
-cold
-hungry

Our wedding was taking place at my Uncle and Aunts house in Escondido...they live in the hills up on a hill. COLD. The week leading up to the wedding was strangely cooler then a typical September. Grateful it wasn't 105 degrees but definitely wasn't expecting the 69 degrees and wind that was displaying itself Thursday evening. After the icy rehearsal we headed to BJ's for the dinner part. It was great having everyone we love around just hanging out and eating together. (my two favorite things :)

Lincoln it is...

2010-09-11T22:56:00.001-07:00

Amanda Dale, Faith, & Natalee

2010-09-06T22:57:00.000-07:00

Amanda my very dear friend, confidant, bridesmaid, and wedding extraordinaire! This woman has managed to balance all these things and be incredible at all of it at the same time. Amanda loves me and her job so I think I get the better end of the deal :) Her love for her husband and her fight for her marriage and whats important to her is an inspiration and it means everything to me that she will standing next to me.

Faith, my sister from another mister. Although Faith lives in Texas (which is totally MY fault :) the distance has not phased our friendship. We may not talk as often as I would want and of course the distance makes visits short and far between but my love for her and our relationship has only grown stronger. She is a great wife and mother and encourages me to be both. So excited that she came all the way out here to stand next to me on Friday.

Natalee my sweet sweet girl. She just GETS me you know? I don't have to be afraid to tell her how I feel about anything and I can say just about anything and she will be unfazed. Her quiet support of me and my family has done more for my confidence then I could ever say. She loves me and Ryan too :) and I can't imagine not knowing her.

Shawna & Amanda

2010-09-06T22:47:00.000-07:00

My two sisters of COURSE are in the wedding. Not only are they my sisters they are two of my very best and closest friends. As women they encourage me to be a better me, as friends they applaud me for standing up for me and whats best, and as sisters they love with a love that could never be removed or replaced.

I get emotional just thinking of them standing next me on Friday. Im elated that they would choose to stand with me on a regular old Tuesday...the fact that they love and support me enough to stand next to me on my wedding day means more then they will ever know.

Carynn & Lauren

2010-09-06T22:13:00.000-07:00

My two most fantastic maids of honor. They both have been the best friends a girl could ask for. These two have seen me at my absolute worst and they STILL love me! I could not imagine my life without these two...so I won't :)

So honored and privileged to have these two beauties by my side on Friday. Loving me, supporting my family, and standing for my marriage. (In 4 days!!!! eeek)

Lola (lots of pics)

2010-08-11T21:22:00.000-07:00

Sunday we got a new puppy. Yes another bulldog. Please don't ask me if Im crazy because Im starting to believe it :) But were all kind of OBSESSED with her. She's nine weeks old and SUPER sweet. Her and Mazzy are having a bit of a power struggle but I think it will soon be worked out :)

this ones my fave!

August 11th

2010-08-11T20:18:00.000-07:00

STELLA'S FIRST DAY OF KINDERGARTEN

She was ready to get going to school at like 7:30 this morning. And of course the selfish mom that I am I enrolled her in the "afternoon" class so she doesn't start till 10:14am...it was a long 3 hours this morning :) Grammy (my mom) came over to help send her off to "big kid" school. Stella was pretty stoked on that.

We got tons of great clothes for school for Stella. Unfortunately its still too hot to for most of them but we pulled something together :)

Stellas dad came over and we all went over to Smiley together. She did so great and was so excited to be starting kindergarten. I cant believe my baby girl is in "big kid" school. Time flies. Literally ;)

After Stellas first day of school Carynn, Stella, and I all went to Color Me Mine to celebrate. Pictures to come once the pieces are done :)

August 10th

2010-08-11T19:28:00.000-07:00

My 27th birthday! The day started out so so great. Carynn came over in the mornign cause she ditched or slept in or something, either way it was great to have her joining me on my b'day. She gave me my gift....ELTON JOHN tickets for his ONLY show in the US for that tour. Let me just tell you, a couple years ago Carynn and I decided that we were no longer just gonna go to "shows" we wanted to go to concerts. And we have been to some fantastic concerts, from Lionel Richie, Celine Dion, and Jimmy Eat World just to name a few. Oh yeah and we are going to see Lady Gaga tomorrow :) But Elton John was always one of those shows we mentioned but never really though it would come to be. Well that dream has come true! November 3rd I will be tiny dancing to your song while Im feeling the love tonight on my rocket man. <--- too much?

We had orientation for Stella since she was starting kindergarten this week. We got to tour her class, meet her teacher Mrs. Walker and she also did an activity so the teacher was able to model her teaching style. The activity was to have all the kids create a self portrait which was pretty entertaining to watch and help with.

Heres Stellas

She was SO proud of herself. We really liked her teacher and am really looking forward to all the fun things Stella will do and all that she will learn. ( I only had a brief emotional moment :)

After that Stella, Carynn, and I went to Olive Garden for something birthday lunch. I had my usual, Olive Garden hardly ever fails. Heres my dates...

And just when I thought my day couldn't get any better Ryan came home early cause he said he had a birthday surprise for me. I've learned with Ryan that surprises are hardly ever what I would expect them to be so I try not to think about it too much. He came home with a bowl full of "nuts about raspberries and chocolate", my fave trail mix from Trader Joes. But the thing about this trail mix is that it has almonds and I LOATHE almonds. Ryan had picked out ALL of the almonds and had about 3 bags worth in this bowl. It would not have surprised me if this alone was the gift since he had already bought my Lady Gaga tickets. But that waSN'T ALLL!!!

Yep thats a ring you see in that bowl full of greatness. Im OFFICIALLY engaged! I've been planning our wedding for about a month a half now without this lil beauty but yesterday he made an honest woman out of me! And the ring is more beautiful then I could have ever imagined. Yes he did ask and told me he loved me. Yes its the first time he ever uttered those words to me or any other girl beside his mom for that matter. He once told me, before we were dating, that he had not ever said that to a girl because he wanted to wait till he asked a woman to marry him so he only had to say it to one woman for the rest of her life....so sweet and romantic right? Yeah well try dating a man for 2 and a half plus years without ever hearing those words. Let me just say that it was totally worth the wait. The heaviness those words had on my heart as they left his lips could never be described. It was such an incredible feeling. I LOVE Ryan Andrew Nelson!!!

That night with a few of my favorites we went to PF Changs for dinner ( I eat too much :)

So that wraps up my birthday. It was a great one and I was sad to see it go. Until 28....

August 7th

2010-08-11T12:16:00.000-07:00

Saturday was my dear and beautiful friend Lauren's birthday. I like this day because for 3 days she is SOOO MUCH OLDER THEN ME! Earlier in the day her Dena, and I went got pedicures which were definitely much needed. The pedicures and the girl talk :) I really do love that I have had the same friends for such a long time. And although we would all love to hang out more then we do, the time we do spend is so great and so special and its always as though a minute was never missed.

That evening we had our "triple date" for Lauren's b-day at Claim Jumper. It was delish and of course I ate way too much...but sometimes you just have to :)

P.s. I have THEE most beautiful friends.

the end

August 5th

2010-08-11T12:11:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday Carynn, Shannon, and I all headed to the OC fair to see the B52's. They were incredible! I mean I've never been a DIE hard fan of them or anything and I know Carynn included me cause she loves me. But they looked and sounded fantastic. On top of it being a great show it was so nice to hang out with Shannon, it had definitely been too long. Also Shannon is the one who designed my bridal shower invites. TOO CUTE!!!!

The only thing that would have made the night better would have been if I was able to ride the zipper. Carynn said its off limits for pregnants.

Its all happening

2010-07-02T16:48:00.000-07:00

Okay so in case you didn't hear...Ryan and I are getting MARRIED! 2 months from tomorrow to be exact! Kind of "shotgun" wedding but really there is no need to drag out the planning...plus....Im PREGNANT! So having a wedding before I get as big as house would be great :) I really have never felt so much love, happiness, and support in my whole life. I am about to marry the most selfless man, wait wait wait, the most selfless PERSON I've ever met and about 5 months after that I will have a baby with that man. If that does not sound like the best idea ever then I don't know what does. On top of all that goodness I am getting married at the Smog Shoppe in Culver City, my dream venue, and everything else just seems to be falling into place. I have wonderful family and friends surrounding me through this, typically stressful time, and they just make it quite the opposite and more meaningful.

I really could not be more excited! On top of that we are still trying to buy house. Lets hope something works out before the little one arrives. We have already outgrown our 2 bedroom apartment. :) Im hoping for a boy just because I think it would be fun to have one of each, but really if I had another girl I would be delighted. The thought of a baby with Ryan and Stella being a big sister to them brings me tears. A few years back if you asked what I'd be doing now this would definitely not have been my answer. It has taken ALOT for me to be in this place but I am so grateful for the good and bad times that life took me through arrive at this place. And believe me WE HAVE ARRIVED :)

But in all this I mourn a little. I can write in this blog and proclaim my love for Ryan and tell you all the girly details about marrying him and you would never question my love or my future marriage. And yet there are people out there, people I love very deeply that cannot do the same simply because they love someone of the same sex. Whether its the law telling them they cannot, ignorant cynics telling them its "their marriage", or family simply not understanding that you cannot control who you fall in love with. This reality breaks my heart. I pray every day that this becomes a view of the past.

"Love isn't a decision. Its a feeling. If we could decide who we loved, it would be much simpler, but much less magical."

My heart feels as though it may burst

2010-05-29T22:47:00.000-07:00

(this will feel feel very generic, Im hoping the next few blogs will be my journey though this and it will all be more clear)

It is overflowing with love, inspiration, fear, anxiety, and compassion. There are so many things that I am "processing" at this moment that I feel like my brain cannot keep up. So many things I want to do. So many things I want to say. And most of the time I am too afraid to do either.

I think its just a fear of failure in general.

But why? What has instilled this crippling feeling.

I am me. Right? I feel what I feel and say it. Right? No. Not usually. Unless how I feel or what I choose to believe goes along with the "norm" then I better keep it to myself. That alone is paralyzing.

I mean....I understand that there is a time and a place. There is such a thing as respecting others and knowing when to say something and when not to. But COME on! Theres so much pressure out there to feel a certain way and believe certain things that I found that I was unable to see the where the line of BS ended and where I began. I was losing me and Im not even sure if I had a fair shot at being me before I just took what everyone told me to say and feel as absolute.

Things are changing. I can feel it. I can see it. God has told me. And I have never been more excited and anxious in my life.

Getting caught up...words to come

2010-05-29T18:12:00.000-07:00

...

2010-03-28T21:28:00.000-07:00

<3

2010-01-10T23:11:00.000-08:00

Just breathe...

2010-01-04T15:14:00.000-08:00

Looking back on 2009. Realizing what a beautiful and peaceful year it was, compared to years past. It flew by swiftly with few bumps. I guess I didn't realize it because I tend to live my life holding my breath. Waiting for the next painful experience or heartbreak. Yes I experienced loss. And it hurt. But I have been able to move forward allowing it to strengthen me as opposed to defining me. It seems as though my mind has moved forward but my heart is crawling toward restoration. I think theres a part of me that thinks it does not want to move forward. As if the future, or unknown, is scarier then living in continual heartache. I am committing to living this next year to breathing deep. Loving and living every moment of my life. Enjoying my loves, my family and my dear dear friends.

Summer wrap up '09

2009-10-04T15:16:00.001-07:00

Well since its 68 degrees outside I figured I should finally blog and blog about the last few highlights of the heated months.

The month of August was pretty busy with work (both my jobs), birthdays, and firsts for my not so baby girl. For my birthday Ryan and I went to Las Vegas. We left early on a Friday morning so we arrived in early afternoon making our 2 1/2 days in Sin City feel extra long.

We enjoyed a tasty dinner at Morton's Steakhouse and caught a hypnosis show at the Tropicana. The show was hysterical and great. We stayed at the New York New York hotel for the first time and it was pretty sweet. Saturday I went shopping...or kind of. Ryan said I could buy whatever I wanted, ANYTHING, of course I could find NOTHING. Except for these sweet AA sun glasses.

Saturday night we went to the Criss Angel/Cirque de Soliel. It was pretty good except for the Criss Angel part :(. It just didnt flow with all the cool music and dancing. But nonetheless we enjoyed ourselves.

MY BOYFRIEND RULES HARDER THEN MOST

Every year I celebrate my birthday with two of my favorite people...Kevin and Lauren who also have August birthdays. This year we wet to P.F. Chang's with 3 of my other favorite people...Ryan, Carynn, and Kevy

I also had the honor of being apart of my good friend Shannon Brown's now Shannon LaBares wedding. I met Shannon when she was 16, she was busy in high school being smart and designing sweet band t-shirts :) We became friends pretty soon after we met. I have been doing her hair for quite sometime and of course I was flattered when she asked me to style her hair for her very special day.

I was also able to work along side one my favorite babies...Lil' Nathalie. She did the beautiful make up on all the girls so of course we had a fantastic time working together and I hope that we can do it again!!!

Unfortunately in life there seems to be a sense of new beginnings and excitement its also mirrored with loss and heartbreak. Sunday that same weekend I lost one of my favorite uncles in motorcycle accident. My dads brother Dana was riding his motorcycle down a mountain highway and was struck and killed by another motorcycle. After trying to cope with the loss of my grandpa this past year this came as a devastating blow to me and my family. Uncle Dana was super close to our family and lived nearby in Riverside. He will be missed more then I can even say

Monday August 24th 2009 was a big day for me...my baby...started Pre-K.

It was a really an emotional day for me, but I made it through :) She has now been in school for over a month and she absolutely loves it. I think she will be ready for kindergarten for sure next fall.

Oh and p.s. she got a big girl haircut

and she is 3 going on 13

My girl

2009-08-02T08:53:00.000-07:00

Stella has had the same babysitter, Betsey, since she was 9 months old. Betsey has been absolutely wonderful the last 3 and half years I actually get teary eyed thinking of how wonderful she has been to Stella and I. She has been a constant and support for the both of us when things or situations in our life were not always certain or consistent. And you might say well shes just a babysitter...but she has been so much more. Every mom dreams of leaving their child, if they have to work, with someone that loves them like they do and that would do anything to make sure they are not scared, fed, happy, and learning all at the same time. Well Betsey went above and beyond all of that and I am more then grateful to have had this beautiful woman in our lives. But now Stella will be 4 in November and she is DYING to go to school. I have been trying to avoid this point in her life for about....her whole life :) But every time we drive by school she cries and I tell her "you can go to school when you get bigger". I cant even tell you how many times we have had that conversation. Since she will probably be starting kindergarten next fall I figured her starting preschool this fall will be a sufficient amount of time to get her prepared as much as possible.

I looked into preschools and found one thats right by my house and the hours gel with mine and her dads work schedule so I went by to talk to the director at the school. She was great and I really liked the set up of the school. Like every other school Stella had to get a physical and get caught up on her shots in order to attend. Naturally Stella adopted the belief that once she went to the doctor she would be "bigger"...literally "bigger", like inches, taller, bigger feet, and bigger hands. So we went to the doctor this last friday...

She was a champ. So pumped and ready for the shots. She said she was not gonna cry she was just so so excited that she was gonna be able to go to school after this appointment,
Then the big burly man comes in to give her the shots, and she gets a little scared. She lays down and he administers the shot. A look of disbelief comes over her face and she bursts into tears.

4 seconds later

So as the doctor is getting all the paperwork together for us to leave she looks at Carynn and says "am I taller?" "am I bigger?". Carynn says that she didn't think so. Stella looks at her hands and at her feet and she says "mommy my hands are still small" at this point I realize that Stella thinks that she would literally grow "bigger". She is so funny. But who can blame her? I've been drilling it into her little head that she would go to school when she get "big". And boy oh boy is she BIG! She is growing so very fast and I cant even believe that I have a 3 1/2 year old. Im excited to see her learn and how much she changes after being around so many new and different kids.

Catching up on Summer '09

2009-08-01T22:59:00.000-07:00

Apparently I am terrible at keeping up my blog so here are a few highlights from the summer thus far...

My wonderful friend Faith came out to visit from Texas at the end of June and Stella and I were able to get out to OC to spend the day with her and Ruby. I was awesome to be able to "catch up" and just hang out with out really having plans or having to be somewhere. I love them and miss them so very much, especially because Stella and Ruby got along SO well. Must be an only child thing :)

I have come to realize that the 4th of July happens to be one my absolute favorite holidays. I love that there's no presents involved, it doesnt HAVE to be spent with family (dont get me wrong, I love my family but the 4th ain't no 25 of Dec you know what Im saying?) Anyways the fact that the whole day can be spent in the pool while consuming much food and adult beverage is FINE BY ME! And the night ends in fireworks...I rest my case.

We spent the day at Carynn's grandparents and ended the evening at the U of R. It was fantastic!

Jess's birthday was that same week and Derek surprised her with a sushi party with all of our friends. I enjoyed myself :)

Another really good friend of mine, Lauren Beck, lives in Arizona with her husband Dan and their beautiful little girl Eden who just turned one. Lauren is from California so all of her and Dans family still lives here. Naturally they celebrated Edens first birhtday out here. Stella and I were able to attend her birthday and it was awesome. I absolutely LOVE Laurens family. They might be loud but they know how to have a good time and they know how to love,

Last Sunday Carynn, Kevy, Ryan and I went to the OC fair. Carynn and I went to see Blondie and Pat Benatar. Blondie RULED and Pat KILLED it! Her voice was incredible! The show was AMAZING!!!! Ryan and Kevy ate a whole bunch fried stuff while Carynn and I were at the show then we all rode some rides together afterwards.

P.S. The margaritas were pretty great too

Carynn is on summer break so we've been hanging out quite a bit. Plus we have a new found love for cooking and swimming so its been quite a productive pass few days. Today we went to Toby Fishers 2nd birthday party. I cant believe that he is 2 already. I watched that little boy come into this world!!! I cant believe he is a little man already!!!! I love him so so much.

Oh and shes big now in case you were wondering....

Lovin' life '09

2009-07-02T15:01:00.001-07:00

No less then blood...

2009-06-20T23:01:00.000-07:00

You are no less than those of blood:
The spirit is more comely than the flesh.

Fathers are defined by how they love

<3

2009-06-09T08:39:00.000-07:00

Who knew the leader of the free world could be so fly...

Love is in the air...

2009-06-06T22:27:00.000-07:00

On August 21st Miss Shannon will become Mrs. Scott (Im not sure how her new last name is spelled so I wont try) and today began the festivities leading up to that day. Her mom and grandma hosted her shower at "the ranch" in Corona, also the location of the wedding. I thought the weather was beautiful and so were the ladies I spent the morning with.

I am so honored to be apart of momentous time in Shannon and Scott's life. There's no doubt she will be a beautiful bride and Scott will be a proud groom.

Summer time pt. 1

2009-05-31T23:09:00.000-07:00

Summer has arrived even though we have had a few days of "June gloom" and I couldn't be happier! The susn out, I get to use my tanning lotion, I get to wear less clothing, and because its hot outside its socially acceptable for me to drink a margarita at every meal :)

Heres some stuff thats been going on....

Lauren Beck(Mariglia) and her cute cute family came out form Arizona to visit/get her hair done. Yes thats right! She drives all the way from AZ to get her hair done by ME! The fact that we've know each other for 17 years and I that I taught her how to wear a bra in the 4th grade probably has nothing to do with it :) .Anyways I went over to Lauren's parents house for dinner and it was so much fun. We hung out, talked, laughed A LOT, and watched the best of Molly Shannon.

Memorial Day was spent up at Jan and Keith Kahn's house who are absolute saints for letting us use their beautiful house and pool for the holiday. Good food, good friends, good times. The babies and the boys swam while the moms relaxed next to the pool, feeling absolutely relieved that we didn't have a kid hanging on us:)

As I mentioned before I am a fan of the margarita so we've dining out so I cant get my fix (I only drink one at a time, no worries). Carynn and Kevy are usually down to get down on some food too so it always ends up being a miniature partyyy

Summer looks good on Stella...

more to come.

Feeling...

2009-05-28T22:43:00.001-07:00

really good lately.

It may sound plain.
It may sound boring.

But it feels oh so good.

Loving my loves and loving life.

...

2009-05-28T09:42:00.001-07:00

and in case you were wondering...

you are everything to me

my week was glorious.

2009-05-11T16:42:00.000-07:00

Last week started with at triple date night with Kevrynn and Travis and Amanda. We went to Rubys for dinner then saw Wolverine which I thought was FANTASTIC! Ryan said he wished there was "more story" but I was entertained.

Tuesday I got my hair done....FINALLY. Added some highlights and got a much needed haircut. Let me just tell you, I feel like a new woman! Thanks to the lovely Bonnie.

Cinco de Mayo celebration with Carynn and Babe.

Thursday was my moms birthday and Ryan and I joined my parents for some late night dessert.

Saturday we did my moms birth/mothers day celebration at Bubba Gump's Restaurant in Anaheim. For some reason they feel the need have a mascot for their joint and Stella kept calling it a pig. hahahaha

This was probably the highlight of my night though.

this too

oh maybe this...they made her dance for her dessert

heres the rest of us that were there

Mothers Day was gloriously relaxing. Ryan let Stella pick out each flower. Very sweet.

He also took her for a few hours so I was able to get ready alone, eat a cheeseburger in peace, catch up on my tivo, and try on as many things as I wanted to at Target. I have the best boyfriend EVER!

Carynn took Stella to make me something for mothes day and heres the finished out come...also so sweet

<3

Church was great. Loving love.

p.s. I got my Flip video camera last week. I love it! And as soon as I figure out how to edit on imovie then I will be posting videos!!!

my mama

2009-05-10T15:30:00.000-07:00

you have taught me everything I know when it comes to be being a mom...

I can only pray that I can do the same for Stella

thank you for being you mama. I love you more then theses small words can describe

gRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

2009-04-16T20:50:00.000-07:00

Carynn tagged me to do 10 things I love with the letter R. Here I go...

!. Ryan
Do I really need to explain? Hes amazing! He takes care of 3 girls on a daily basis and still keeps the insanity down to a minimum. He stresses about nothing and calms me with the sound of his voice. He has no ulterior motives, straight forward, and means what he says...he is my best friend.

2. Redlands

3. Reality TV. Guilty pleasure. You put a reality TV show on, its about a 99% chance that I'll like it, watch it, Tivo it, and blog about it :)

4. Ryan Adams

Demolition.
Rock and Roll.
Love is Hell.
Cold Roses.
29.
Easy Tiger.

nuff said

5. Ruby Clark

6. the Radio

103. 5

I <3 Karen Sharpe

7. Rappers

8. Relatives

9. Roses...cheezy I know but I LOVE them. Just look at my neck ;) Classic. Elegant. Beautiful. Send me some.

10. Rewriting things until my writing is exactly how I want it to look. A little obsessive but I get a sick satisfaction out of rewriting and redoing it till it looks perfect

the end

oh yeah oh yeah

I tag (if you want to :)

1. Kali with -A
2. Jeanie with -S
3. Dena with -N
4. Amanda Auer with -J

loved today

2009-04-12T22:50:00.000-07:00

Carynn Mae

2009-03-18T17:41:00.001-07:00

is 21!!!

LOVE you!

Hope you have a fantastic birthday!

(we had "birthday tea" at stell :)

Mini Golf

2009-03-16T18:21:00.000-07:00

Is Ryans favorite. My baby and I had Saturday off and we were baby free so I got my other baby and she brought her baby and then we went to Fiesta Village! It started out good and serious

Then it was the "cute picture" time. You know, the pictures you take to show everyone that was there. THe pictures that the photographer shamelessly takes of themselves :)

Then some time passed and we were no longer patient enough with the janky set up Fiesta Village has to offer and then things just get silly...

The boys ended the afternoon at the batting cages, they were thrilled, Carynn and I were freezing :)

Oh yeah, we rode the Bizzy Bears, which is like teacups on crack with a hangover, before we left. Ryan kept his eyes closed the whole time. He said, and I quote, "this is too much for me, Im going to sleep". It was hysterical! I was laughing so hard tears were rolling down my face.

The night ended with us going to 3 different restaurants at the Tyler Mall before ending up at Rubys which was tasty delicious!

Carynns Birthday celebration begins tomorrow! SO excited!

Current Events

2009-03-09T11:41:00.000-07:00

Brown Hair

BBQ's

Babies

BFF's

Babes

I will ALWAYS love you

2009-02-15T14:29:00.000-08:00

I have definitely been feeling the love this past week. Im not sure if it was because of Valentine's Day or if its because my life is at such a different place this year then it was last year. Either way I am grateful for the fact that God has shown me so much mercy and grace...both of which I DONT deserve for I am wretched person. A wretched person that has been rescued.

You are the source of life
I can't be left behind
No one else will do
I will take hold of You

'Cause I need You Jesus
To come to my rescue
Where else can I go
There's no other name
By which I am save
Capture me with grace

A great part of the week leading up to V Day was all the prep and shopping and dressing Stella in as much red and pink as possible :)

At the beginning of the week Carynn and I decided we would hand make our Valentines for our Valentines and also bake a ton of sweets for our sweeties.

BEFORE

AFTER

all went well and everyone was stoked on the outcome!

Ryan was really sweet and creative and hid three cards in my room for me to find that had "gift certificates" in them for things he knew I wanted...how thoughtful right? Gift certificates for some posters that I had been wanting to put up in my bedroom, new boots cause Stella threw up on my black ones, and a dinner for two at my favorite restaurant.

Yesterday morning we got up early and went to breakfast at Ruby's with Carynn, Kevy, Shaye, and Adam. Valentines Day breakfast with your loved ones is great way to start the day. Afterwards we went over to Carynns grandmas and ate so much sweets and dipped anything we could think of in chocolate. Once we all had belly aches we got into our swimsuits and cuzzed for about an hour. It was a FANTASTIC way to spend our family Valentines Day. Tonight Ryan and I are going to a nice dinner with Kevin and Lauren to end the Valentines weekend and I couldn't be more excited.

the valentine Stella made for me

To be continued...

the couple that works out together...

2009-02-10T14:13:00.000-08:00

stays together?

Well Ryan and I started to work out together. He's my very own personal trainer he tells me what to do, how to do it, and why Im doing it. Its fantastic! Ryan also has the patience of a SAINT! We were working out chest yesterday and naturally he puts on his hundreds of pounds of weight to lift (if you've ever seen him you get it, hes got bigger boobs then me :) good ones!) and then he has to take every single one off for me to my "reps" because all I can lift is the bar :(. He does this 4 times in a row! He likes me ALOT! I really enjoy working out with him because he really does enjoy it and I feel like it almost brings us closer...that may sound lame, but doing things that may not always be your favorite in respect of your loved one can do WONDERS for your relationship. He's always making sure Im happy and doing what I want but going to the gym with him makes him truly happy so I will continue. PLUS I really want to lose weight, he says that lifting weights burns more calories then cardio (although I do that too), so Im sticking to his program and Ill inform everyone of my progress. Working out puts me in such a good mood too...Ryan says that I am releasing endorphins when Im working out and thats why I feel so good while doing it so there's nothing but positives coming out of this situation.

P.S. I couldn't be happier to be spending the 14th with this amazing man.

He is seriously so good to me and romantic on a daily basis that I am just the luckiest woman in the world to have him as my Valentine

cute.

the last 24

2009-01-19T20:06:00.000-08:00

has definitely been better then the previous 24...

looking forward to tomorrow...

Jess said so

2009-01-16T21:11:00.000-08:00

and shes taller then me so I abide...Im tagged so Im supposed to post a picture of myself and then 16 facts you might not have known about me.

1. I started shaving my hands when I was 10 because my step mom said only men had hair on their hands and I haven't stopped since.

2. I was Valedictorian of my school.

3. I graduated from a class of 10. (this made the above fact possible :)

4. I played soccer from the age of 8 to the age of 18.

5. For the first time since the 5th grade my hair is its natural color.

6. I was in an R&B group called Sonshine in high school. And let me tell you, we thought we were going places :)

7. I once auditioned at Ice Ts house in Hollywood for a Gospel Album

8. My first job was working at Pharaohs Lost Kingdom...shall I say first and worst!

9. Im the oldest of 3 girls and the shortest

10. I didn't break a single bone until I was 17 and in one year I broke 3

11. I love to kiss.

12. I was home schooled for two years my 6th and 7th grade year.

13. Im really good at cutting bangs...even my own.

14. I used to clean Brent's house to get tattooed. I even had to leave a chocolate on the pillow like the "real house cleaners do"

15. Growing up I thought I was destined to be famous...not sure who instilled this idea in me but Im still waiting for my big break!

16. Its taken me 25 years to come even close to kinda sort of getting somewhat of a grasp on what unconditional love is. And its breath taking.

i heart this week

2009-01-16T20:23:00.000-08:00

MONDAY
we went to Kyle and Denas for dinner. It was tasty and entertaining. Except for when Mazzy took a dump on their carpet while we were eating dinner :( Other then that party foul we had good food and drink and of course great conversation both nostalgic and up to date themes.

TUESDAY
I worked as usual and planned to have my "hang out with Carynn on Tuesdays" appointment. Which technically it did happen just not in a fun or germ free place.

She had strep throat again so we had to hang out in urgent care instead of at the mall or the movies. But our tuesday wasn't void of quality conversation...we were still able to chit chat and catch up on the week. After I took baby home I met up with some homies for Johnny's birthday dinner at Eastern Classic and then Ryan and I headed to BJs to eat some real food :)

WEDNESDAY
Was my day off and this week also happens to be Kevin's vacation from good old Bud. So we planned to go to the zoo and take all the kids. We were there for almost 5 hours and let me tell you...it was PLENTY! We did have a great time and as crazy as our kids can be there were well behaved and a good time was had by all...at least I think :)

to see more zoo pics look HERE.

That evening Ryan and I went out dinner with Lauren and Kevin and we went to our infamous hot spot P.F.Changs. I got sick half way through the meal but we still had a great time. I love them and I love us together

THURSDAY
Ryan and I worked in the morning and then we went to OC because Ryan had scheduled a meeting with STYG. Riding in the car with Ryan is always an exciting adventure. First of all he drives like hes in the video game Mario Kart while text messaging and playing every "air" instrument used in the song we are listening to.

I was able to get Amanda and Josh to tear themselves from their glamours lives of writing smash hits and planning fabulous weddings to have some lunch with me. Of course the food was great and so were they. I wish we lived closer. It hurts to be away.

FRIDAY
Work as usual. Picked up Stella as usual. Video chat in crazy faces as usual.

"I wish I was your baby..."

2009-01-12T17:14:00.000-08:00

modeling career in the future?

the greatest love of all is mine...

2009-01-12T08:12:00.000-08:00

Here I am humbled by your Majesty
Covered by your grace so free
Here I am, knowing I'm a sinful man
Covered by the blood of the Lamb

Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice

Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed, but alive in your hands
Majesty, Majesty
Forever I am changed by your love
In the presence of your Majesty

Here I am humbled by the love that you give
Forgiven so that I can forgive
Here I stand, knowing that I'm your desire
Sanctified by glory and fire

Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice

saturday.

2009-01-10T20:14:00.000-08:00

I had absolutely had NO plans today. I hated it at first but have loved the fact that we didn't have a million places to be and a million people to see today. Being home helps me appreciate who and what I have. Also, it gives me a chance to watch Stella play and interact. I am able to see what intrigues her, makes her happy, makes her bored, and unfortunately what irritates her (she lets me know at high levels when she is irritated :) Anyways I did my friend Lisa's hair for a wedding and then Ryan, Stella and I all went to breakfast at Redlands Family Restaurant, which is affordable AND fantastic. After that we watched some movies, played some Wii, and took a wonderful nap. I finished season one of Lipstick Jungle today and I am feening for season 2 unfortunately its still airing so its not on DVD yet, so I am killing time while some episodes download from itunes.

As far back as I can remember I have been about 5 feet tall. Carynn seemed to think I had a growth spurt and was taller then that. I believed her for a minute but three things happened this week that made me feel like my spurt was temporary...

1. I could not pull Stella out of the shopping cart at Albertsons because I was too short...or shes too tall Im not sure. But I would have had to pick her up above my head to get her out.

2. FOR THE LIFE OF ME I could not reach my top shelf at work today. I swear when I moved into the salon I was able to reach, now today I was not able to and hand to climb on the counter to reach it.

3. I was trying to pull the cork out of a bottle of Framboise tonight but the bottle was too tall for me to uncork. I had to stick the bottle in a drawer(which is lower then the kitchen counter) so I could be above it and then open it. Let me tell you, before that drawer trick I was STRUGGLING!

I need to get some TALL shoes!

from today....

D.D.D.

2009-01-07T20:45:00.000-08:00

"daytime double date"

love it!

you me and baby babe

2009-01-07T11:32:00.000-08:00

isn't she though?

Using Citrus Plaza to it's full potential

2009-01-07T09:48:00.001-08:00

1. Lunch at Chick Fil A
2. Shopping at Target
3. Car wash at the 76 Station
4. Banking at Wells Fargo
5. Pedicure at Papillon Salon

I'm kinda stoked I was able to spend my whole afternoon in one center :) thank god for convenience right? Anywyas most of that was done with Carynn and then we went to Babes for dinner. It was amazing as always! We then went our separate ways picked up out significant other and met up later for a doubly at the movie theatre. We saw Gran Torino and it was fantastic! Clint Eastwood was brillant and quite attractive for an old man if I do say so myself. All in all it was a successful Tuesday. This blogs kinda lame. Sorry.

she

2009-01-04T20:42:00.000-08:00

is killin' me right now. So cute and animated and sweet and all that good stuff

and in the blink of eye everything can change and she can throw a horrific tantrum. Ruining any sort of good time or enjoyable trip that we are in the middle of. Stella has never reacted like this and I tend to feel like I am loosing my mind...LITERALLY! Please someone tell me this is just a phase! Maybe since she didn't really have the "terrible 2s" thing its transferred over to "terrible 3s"? But when its good its soooo good. I can only pray it doesn't last long and that I can remain calm in the mean time :) ahhhh motherhood

This weekend has been wonderful. Ryan and I both had it off so on saturday we went to breakfast and then off to Cabazon to do some shopping. I thought since the holidays had just ended that it wouldn't be busy...WRONG. Dead wrong. And I thought for sure that Ryan would want to leave immediately because he tends to hate people on a general level, its the cross he bears :). Anyways, he was such a trooper and we actually found some good stuff. Not necessarily at "outlet prices" but some good stuff nonetheless. One tantrum and a 3 hour nap, it was time to go to Charlies birthday dinner. So many people and friends it was rather enjoyable even being the last person to get my food.

Today we went to church, had lunch with the entire fisher crew (man we have alot of kids), hung out at Lauren and Kevins and then we met up with Carynn, Clay, and Babe to see Bedtime Stories with Adam Sandler. Not a bad flick. Went home and started dinner...please tell me how I set off the smoke alarms making a grilled cheese sandwich? Im so lame. 2 Jim Carrey movies and 2 and 1/2 tantrums later Stella and I ended the evening in my bed watching Mama Mia. She passed out like 10 minutes into it but I am still watching, its so good and it keeps me smiling the entire movie.

P.s. Lauren has inspired me today. She has such a big heart and love love loves her family. She is not content with being content and that takes work and strength. Wife to her love, mother of two, and friend to me I am honored to be in her life.

Carynn shows me on a daily basis that she loves me no matter what. Thats saying alot. Im no picnic :) I can only hope I do the same.

Kali can be trusted with absolutely everything. And her love for my kid is nothing short of beautiful.

Ryan. Probably the most selfless person I've ever met. Constantly making sure that I am okay and that I have everything I need and even want most of the time. I have found my hearts counterpart and even at this very moment that reality brings tears to my eyes.

Amanda although I dont see her as often as I would love to I feel like we have such a deep connection even when we dont speak. I love you deeply

Im blessed.

this is what Ive been up to...

2009-01-03T07:41:00.000-08:00

Were all totally in love. Mazzy is so sweet and LAZY. I love it!

Shes pretty much potty trained herself and she lives to lay and cuddle...my dream dog! Also...she doesn't make me sneeze.

Ryan and I are both off today so we made big plans to go to Cabazon to do some damage but I woke up this morning and its raining :( Maybe the rain wont last all day.

I've realized that all do is pretty much work, hang out at home, and hang with friends a bit. I couldn't be happier.

In other news, Liz at my salon is pregnant! SO exciting! She wanted a baby SO SO bad.

I have a new dog in my life...

2008-12-30T21:54:00.000-08:00

her name is Mazzy and shes 5 months old. Shes sweet AND cute.

YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

these are a few of my favorite things...(aka 'tis the season)

2008-12-20T09:25:00.000-08:00

Jackets.

Good times with good friends.

my tree topper.

family.

my sisters.

Stella.

Ryan.

this face...

this face....

AND THIS FACE!!!

because its Christmas...

2008-12-10T22:16:00.001-08:00

I drove all night to get to you

2008-12-03T20:03:00.000-08:00

Words cant even begin to describe how AMAZING last night was.

Celine Dion at the Staples Center with Carynn

Our Seats

We were in the farthest row possible but we felt like we had front row seats because of the huge screen in front of us

She was absolutely stunning and her singing was BETTER then popping in her CD. She was flawless.

The first few songs I had goosebumps through out the entire thing. You could tell she believed every one of her songs and she sang them with such passion and conviction. This may all sound so cheesy but Im not over exaggerating. I will never be the same after that concert :)

p.s. "my heart will go on" for the SECOND encore...INCREDIBLE

all I need?

2008-11-30T07:54:00.000-08:00

"but he has told me,

'My grace is all you need, because my power is perfected in weakness.'

Therefore, I will most happily boast about my weaknesses,

so that the Messiah's power may rest on me."

-why is it so hard to accept the simplest of things? Especially coming from the greatest of Loves.

friday and saturday

2008-11-29T20:29:00.000-08:00

were/have been pretty eventful.

Friday morning we got up and got ready and went to have breakfast at Arthurs in Mentone, which is absolutely fantastic. Not only does it taste like my mama made it, but apparently they used to feed farmers so you definitely get your moneys worth. The day had already been a rough one and it wasn't even 10 am yet. Stella had decided that she was having a bad day, and wanted everyone to know about it. She refused to listened and whined pretty much about everything, keep in mind I am weening her off her pacifier that she had lived with a loved with all her heart for the entire three years she has been alive. But even when she is driving me ABSOLUTELY crazy, she still gets me...

him on the other hand...he was not amused :)

p.s picture above taken by Stella, she is an aspiring photographer

Ryan and I braved Macys on the dreaded "black friday" but it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I mean parking was a bitch and there were people EVERYWHERE but we made it in there, got what we needed, and made it out in one piece and in under 45 minutes.

After a 3 hour tantrum, whining about EVERYTHING, ANYTHING, and NOTHING all at the same time, we finally make it home to put the princess in a timeout and then down for the anxiously awaited nap. She woke up in an okay mood and we were able to make through the next few hours :)

That night was Kyle Mitchells wedding. The ceremony was at Edwards Mansion and the reception was at the Mitchells house in Yucaipa. It was really nice and REALLY cold! Jackets and heaters were all the rage at this beautiful outside-evening wedding. This was the best pic I got of Kyle and his wife Nadine doing their first dance to "At Last" by Ella Fitzgerald, a classic, but so so beautiful...

One of the best parts about the wedding, besides the wedding :), was being able to hang out with Kortny. MAN I miss that woman, her living in Washington is really putting a damper on things. But she looked amazing and I am so so grateful for the time we were able to sit and talk. I love her more then words could portray.

Since Ryan and I were all dressed up for the wedding, naturally I wanted a picture of the two of us. Of course there is no one around so we had to rely on the trusty Macbook photobooth. It seemed to work out...

This morning I got up way too early was out of the door and off to work by 745am, ewwwwwww. I HATE working Saturdays. The hardest part is just getting there I suppose because once I am there I am okay. P.S. I LOVE my new salon! Before Ryan and I picked up Stella we stopped by Best Buy to check out the deals on DVDS, and they were absolutely fantastic. $3.99 for movies that go for $14 and TV on DVD for like $10, it was great!

Thank you best buy

And last but certainly not least. We finally got rid of the pacifier. 3 years, one week, and one day Stella said her fond farewell to this beloved token of comfort and delight. We tied her last "fries" to a couple of balloons and sent them to the "babies in heaven".

I think this is so hard on me because its the last link to her being a baby...tonight, along with Stella, I will mourn the departure of this 3 inch piece of plastic, but its not cause she'll cry for it, but because "baby Stella" has retired.

just found these...

2008-11-28T14:43:00.000-08:00

in my photobooth

shes great

xoxo

Im feening for pumkin pie...

2008-11-28T08:15:00.000-08:00

I had a little taste but apparently it wasn't enough :)

Yesterday was my favorite holiday, and for very good reason!

Food.
Family.
Fun.

All of the above was had, it wasn't a big picture day but I did take these.

Carynn bought this dress for Stella a while back but Thanksgiving was the perfect event to debut it.

And of course another picture of Stella and Grandma Ronnie. Stella is OBSESSED with her. Like I mentioned before my grandma is only 4 feet 8 inches tall so Im pretty sure she Stella thinks shes a kid :)

After my parents house we went over to Ryans family, he ate again, and we hung out. Played some board games and such. The day was great until we got on the 91 freeway :( traffic FOR DAYS!

I love my family.

also...

2008-11-27T09:32:00.000-08:00

grace.

learning more about it every day.

and am so SO thankful for it

thankful.

2008-11-27T09:26:00.000-08:00

Its been too long.

2008-11-24T17:55:00.000-08:00

Since Ive wrote a blog. All last week I was crazy sick, thank God i feel better now. On to more important things...

Stella turned 3 on friday! Stella, Carynn, and I went to Panera for lunch and then we took her to go see Bolt and get "dippy dots" :)

She
got a bike!

And
got a jeep!

Saturday morning I was still really sick so Marilyn and Joe took for a couple hours before her party so I could rest up before. I was feeling a little better by the time of the party and Ryan and I headed for Chuck E. Cheeses. Tragically it was PACKED. It was a 20 min wait just to get in the door! We made some executive decisions and decided we would move the party to Brookside Park...and it was a FANTASTIC idea! Ryan, Joey, Tara, and I pulled together and managed to throw a decent little party at the park.

then the party REALLY started

heres a couple highlights

Ayden took matters into his own hands :)

Hes AMAZING

there are no words to describe my BEAUTIFUL friend

LOVE them

cant get ENOUGH of these two

<3 boys

FAVORITE picture of the day

The party was great and Stella had an amazing time. I couldn't have asked for a better day for her.

715 that night

815 the next morning

SUNDAY

Fishers...nuff said

weekend rundown...

2008-11-17T11:55:00.000-08:00

Friday:

Worked all day and did my sisters hair so that was fun. For weeks I had been planning to go to Chad and Tyler De's show at the Knitting Factory. They were going on at 930 so we left at 715, after sitting in DEAD STOP traffic for almost an hour, with no end in sight, we turned around and went home. We were barely in Pomona at 830...we would have never made it :( We got home went downtown for ice cream and went for a walk. Not exactly the Friday night I had envisioned but it was nice to say the least.

Saturday:

Worked in the morning and then went over to Moreno Valley to pick up Stella. We ended up just staying and hanging out with my family. My mom, Stella, and I went to Target (Stellas favorite store) while Ryan and my Dad ate their "second lunch" at In N Out.
My mom made dinner and it was seriously the best tasting dinner I have had in a really long time...I miss my moms home cooking, ALOT. We hung out, watched the USC game, and watched part of the UFC fight. All in all good night

Sunday:
Went to church. Went to In N Out with both Fisher clans then headed to Lake Elsinore for Demetri's first birthday. It was great, jumoer, snacks, Coronas, pizza and best of all cup cakes

After the party Ryan and I were supposed to go to Disneyland but it was getting late and I wanted to make sure I was around to get Stella after she got back from her cousins house. We went P.F. Changs for dinner, which was MAGNIFICENT, and then went to go play mini golf at Fiesta Village.

Im not super competitive when it comes to miniature golf but I was kind of kicking Ryans ass so it was kind of awesome.

It takes a real man to swing a club thats 2 ft long

My life

2008-11-13T11:02:00.000-08:00

feels really good right now.

Besides the fact that for the last two weeks I have have a had a cough that has pretty much destroyed my throat , Im feeling good.
Carynn said I probably have mono, I looked up the symptoms, negative. Oh well hopefully it will be gone soon.

Ive been working part time at the salon and part time for Ryan at merchconnection.com

Stuffing shirts in envelopes and answering emails has been my life for the past few weeks, and I kind of love it.

Stella is my FAVORITE right now and when shes with her dad, I miss her so so much. I cant believe how fast time has flown. I went from having a baby

to having a real live KID

4 years ago when I got pregnant with baby Stella, never could I have ever imagined how beautiful she could be and how instantaneously she would capture my heart and everyones around her. If it wasn't for that beautiful little girl I just might have lost my mind...literally. (even though she can drive me mad :)

p.s. I am LOVING my hair AND this SG shirt right now

my day was filled

2008-11-11T21:56:00.000-08:00

with wonderful clients/friends.

Carynn. check.

Amanda

and Josh.

check.

Kari + baby (Im voting for Jersey). check.

Lauren. check.

I love my friends!

Watched one of the best Christmas movies EVER!

check.

Dinner with Ryan. check

p.s. my boyfriend rules at boyfriending, Just when I think he cant be any sweeter, kiss any better, or say things that continue to make me fall harder and harder...he does all of the above times 10! Im so glad that hes mine .

I do believe so...

2008-11-10T21:20:00.000-08:00

2008-11-09T20:43:00.000-08:00

"I sometimes react to making a mistake as if I have betrayed myself. My fear of making a mistake seems to be based on the hidden assumption that I am potentially perfect and that if I can just be very careful I will not fall from heaven. But a 'mistake' is a declaration of the way I am, a jolt to the way I intend, a reminder I am not dealing with the facts. When I have listened to my mistakes I have grown."

thank you for listening to my mistakes.

and loving me despite them.

I love you.

The many faces of

2008-11-09T09:57:00.000-08:00

Stella

I am so in love with her right now. The fact that we can have a full blown conversation boggles my mind. I cant believe in less then two weeks my baby will be 3! THREE!!!!! Yesterday she told me my boots were uglier then hers...I have created a monster. At least shes cute right?

I started Christmas shopping yesterday and it felt great to get a jump start on things. I have like half of my shopping done already so I am feeling very accomplished. I love christmas! I love Target at Christmas! Bring on the hot chocolate and white chocolate covered oreos!!!!!

without hope...

2008-11-05T01:43:00.000-08:00

there is nothing.

Proud to be an American.

I am honored to be a part of this day in history.

Halloween

2008-11-02T07:34:00.000-08:00

the day started off good

the trick or treating

then party time

it was great! I had such a good day I wish I could do it all over again!

Ive been coughing for like 2 days now and I HATE it. Being sick is so LAME. Not medicine or sleep has being making me feel better :(

cant wait for tonight!

2008-10-31T10:19:00.000-07:00

tuesday and wednesday

2008-10-30T11:00:00.001-07:00

were good.

tuesday
worked. +
hung with Jess and Janine. +
ate Jerseys pizza with Lauren and Kevin. +
talked politics with Kevin. -
went to the tyler mall to tie up some lose ends on my costume. +
drank. fruitezzia. :)

wednesday
worked. +
went to the mall with Carynn. +
ate sushi at Ocean Blue with sister and friends. +
ate nubi with Ryan. +
watched TV and drank fruitezzia. :)

I am so excited that today is thursday cause that means tomorrow is friday and that means its HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!!! Im so excited to go trick or treating with the Fishers and hopefully the Youngsmas want to join. Like I said before Stella and Olivias costumes are absolutely amazing, I cant wait to see them together :). Then after the babies go to sleep or go to grandmas its PARTYYYY time at the house of rage aka Stafford, Logan, and Lil Ryans house! The only thing Im not looking forward to is waking up the next morning and having to work :(

p.s.

Im so glad you're home

miss bane

2008-10-27T11:11:00.000-07:00

its official my name is Angela Bane again. Im not gonna lie...it feels good.

This weekend was hardcore fun filled. Ryans band played with Bleeding through for BT's CD release shows. They were alot of fun and seeing old friends was probably the best part! Stella went with us on Saturday to the show in San Diego. She was stoked to go to "Dogs Show" and hang out with Baby Zoe.

Last nights show was at Chain Reaction and it was also Ryans LAST show :). It was alot of fun, half of redlands was there, and I finally met the infamous Everett aka "the hamster" You may recognize him from his vocals on Shit Lunch. www.myspace.com/shitlunch

Heres some pics from my phone, not great but still good enough to document the night

my fave of the night

And even better Carynn and Shaye showed up later in the night as a SURPRISE! I missed her face

p.s. Lauren made Stellas Halloween costume and it is LEGIT. Olivia and Stella are definitely gonna be the jam on Halloween...oh yeah Toby too! Love her!

I worked

2008-10-23T21:05:00.000-07:00

today...it felt good. I felt like a human again.

I do love fall

2008-10-22T21:29:00.000-07:00

today was really good...at least the first half. Stella and I just hung out, had lunch together then we went to Oak Glen to see the animals. Unfortunately mostly everything was closed, apparently its a "weekend" thing :) But we saw a pig, two chickens, and a rooster and Stella was completely satisfied. We got some treats at the village market and took some great pics.

We came home, had some dinner, and the 2 3/4 year olds mental breakdowns began. About what you ask? I wish I knew. I had been planning on going to the gym tonight since yesterday and I didnt want her attitude to change by mind so I went anyways. This was Stellas first night at the LA Fitness Kids Club. She went right in, it seemed as though everything was gonna go smoothly. Much to my dismay, I return to the lady that works there saying that my daughter "Sara" slapped 2 kids and a baby...A BABY. I was kinda embarassed, almost scared to let her return :(

Before the breakdowns and before the apple farms I took some pictures of her cause she looked so freaking cute...

Is there such thing as baby PMS?

p.s. country music + yoga...NOT down

some good ones that I forgot along the way

2008-10-22T18:24:00.000-07:00

heres the venue we saw Tegan and Sara at...it was SUPER COOL!

Stella got her "first REAL haircut" last tuesday. She was so excited to have "two pony tails" while I cut here hair. She let me wash her hair in the sink and everything. It was a lot of fun.

My moms side of the family came up to Moreno Valley on Saturday, so everyone could get away from Escondido for a couple days. Stella really took to my grandma, she LOVES her. I think she thinks shes a kid because shes only 4 feet 8 inches :)

Disneyland EXCITEMENT!

first day back

2008-10-21T20:15:00.000-07:00

with Ryan has been great.

In-N-Out.

Sexdrive.

Ocean Blue.

Bed Bath and beyond.

Target.

South Park.

Tomorrow...back to reality :(

2008-10-20T08:40:00.000-07:00

Do what you want but I know who you are
Say what you want but I know what you're thinking
Go where you want but I won't be too far
Go where you want and I know where you'll end up

If you fall in love
Fall in love and hold nothing back
I'll fall in love
Fall in love and hold nothing back from you

I totally forgot!!

2008-10-19T18:09:00.000-07:00

yesterday was a big day for the photobooth on my computer. Heres some of my faves

bahahahahahah

I wish every day was like sunday

2008-10-19T17:51:00.000-07:00

Stella and I went to disneyland today around lunch time and it was absolutely amazing! the weather was beautiful and even though there was a lot of people it wasnt unbearable. Going there with just the Babe was a first time experience, and it was so much fun and more chill then I anticipated. She sat in her stroller, waited in the necessary lines, and loved everything we did. We rode the train around the entire park as soon as we go there and it was so very relaxing, it was definitely the perfect way to start the day.

We rode the carousel, which she almost fell off of, and of course she didnt want it to end.

Then she wanted to go in the "mouth whale".

The entire time we were there all she wanted was "pink candy", of course I didnt have cash so we had to hunt for an ATM, get ripped off by the fee, but soon enough we were able to indulge in the pink deliciousness we all know and love as cotton candy.

We rode some more rides and I didnt even have to tell her when we needed to go she let me know that she was tired and wanted to go home. But we did a little photo shoot with some famous pumpkins before we left...

within 45 minutes

2008-10-19T08:45:00.000-07:00

Stella

-woke up

-asked me to make her bed

-asked to watch Rob and Big

-asked for juice

-asked to lay down

-asked to watch "dancing movie"

-asked for something to eat

-needed to go potty

In between each request I would go back and lay down in my bed just trying to sleep past 8 am.

I understand this is a life of a mother but is it too much to ask to try to squeeze in a couple extra minutes of sleep? :)

Disneyland today. yipee.

Its a damn shame...

2008-10-18T15:22:00.000-07:00

this man "resides" in SLC.

Stay. Please.

Nick Raymer aka Nicky El Camino, I think you and Roise NEED to move back to Redlands

p.s. I figured out what Im gonna be for Halloween kinda stoked!!!!

p.s. x2 Ryan comes home in two days! I cant wait to kiss him!

p.s. x3 Carrie Carynn Chase and Clay, I love them!

pumpkins and my punkin

2008-10-17T19:47:00.000-07:00

lovin' life

2008-10-15T09:52:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was long and tiring at work. After work we all hung at Stafford, Logan, and Little Ryans house. And it was great. Not much happened but just being surrounded by my friends when Im tired emotionally and physically can really do wonders on my existence.

I love Carynn and Fruitezzia.

I love Stafford and Logans witty banter.

I love little Ryans hambone.

Then I get home and and get these in the mail...

I miss Ryan so so much and he'll be home in 5 days!

Carrie and Carynn are the sweetest mother/daughter duo ever! I love being loved by them!

Recap for the weekend

2008-10-15T09:23:00.000-07:00

Saturday I went down with my family to Escondido for the events leading to my grandpas funeral. Once we got down there we just hung out at my grandmas with family and close family friends. We walked around and had some lunch...

the Andrews kids and grandma Veronica

+the grandkids that were there

Sunday was the viewing for my grandpa which I thought was gonna be really difficult, but it actually helped with closure and he looked a whole lot better then he did the night he passed away. It was a bittersweet situation because we hadnt seen most of our family in YEARS, so it was also like a family reunion and it wasnt all tears. I know my grandpa would have wanted it that way anyways.

I LOVE them!

Auntie Mary and Uncle Dave

Stellas "two papas"

Grandma Veronica even found away to smile that night

Monday morning was the funeral and saying goodbye for the last time was super super difficult. My grandpa retired from the Navy so he was honored with a full military service. My cousins and I were the pallbearers and although I was more then honored to be apart of that, it was harder then I imagined. When they folded the flag and handed it to my grandma she burst into tears, something about the military honors, caused the emotions to run even stronger. My grandpa would have been pleased, and I was grateful to have been apart of his life, family, and departure.

Rest in Peace.

Brents....

2008-10-11T00:01:00.000-07:00

Dirty

30!!

surprise party at the falconer for Brents 30th birthday (Amy is a great wife) was mellow but great. Had great conversations with great friends with great drinks, a nice way to start my weekend which probably wont be so fun :(

Best thing Ive had...

2008-10-09T23:57:00.000-07:00

all week

strongest woman I know

2008-10-08T23:26:00.000-07:00

love my mom.

love lauren ashley.

Im excited to see my babies.